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Negotiating for Fun and Profit
By Scott Braxton, Ph.D., MBA
Whether you like it or not, you're negotiating every day. Most of your negotiations are very simple. However, there are two situations that may cause you to pause and worry and may stop you from negotiating: difficult people and difficult situations. Both of these situations require careful consideration.
When one faces a difficult problem our tendencies is to try to solve it. We jump in and tell people what to do. We offer advice or give them choices. This is solution-centered behavior, because it's focusing on finding answers to the problem. If the solutions are easy and straightforward this will work fine. However, more likely than not, the two of you will end up getting defensive and positional and find it difficult to reach common ground.
An alternative approach is to focus on the interests and intentions. This is also called problem-centered behavior. In this case we're focusing our efforts to try to understand the problem in greater depth. Once we understand the problem, obvious solutions often spring forward.
Perhaps the best way to implement a problem centered approach is to focus on asking questions. “What exactly is the problem?” "What specifically about that is troubling you the most?" "How would you like to see this solved?" "What does a solution look like to you?" "Once we have solved this problem what will we be able to accomplish?" The purpose is to get more information about the other person's point of view and to focus on the future. A side benefit is that it helps them clarify their point of view. The other person will then feel heard. It is important to leave them feeling validated and appreciated. This does not necessarily mean agreeing with them.
A lot has been said about the two different kinds of questions: open ended and closed ended questions. Asking open ended questions gives the other person an opportunity to provide information that way they would like to. This is one of the best ways to get the other person engaged in the process. You may find that you end up with much more information than you might have asked for. Closed ended questions can also be used to great effect to solidify agreement and to lead the other person once you have great rapport.
When you think you understand the problem from their point of view, it's time to find out about their goals and objectives. The most obvious goals and objectives are what they want to get from the negotiation. When you are aligned at this point, negotiation is very easy. However, when there is a gap between what you want and what they want, then it's time to "go below the line." By this I mean, find out what is behind their objectives. What higher purpose are they trying to achieve? What is really motivating them? Oftentimes, you can find ways to meet their needs, and really satisfy your overall intentions.
Now that you understand the problem- and their needs- its time to transition into looking for solutions. You really want to ask about the other person's proposals or ideas before giving your own. A great way to transition is to say: "I have some ideas, but I would like to hear what you are thinking." This isn't just flattery. It's to get their point of view and get their solutions on the table. You be surprised at the number of times they'll come up with better solutions for you than you might have come up with on your own. When people feel that they are being listened to and treated fairly, they often respond by being generous.
In this phase, it's important to develop multiple options to choose from. Give yourself the freedom to come up with multiple ideas that may meet both of your objectives. It may be a good idea to frame this as a brainstorming session and say "we're not to make any decisions here, let's just come up with as many ideas as we can and will select from these later."
If you don't understand one of their proposals or doesn't seem to make sense to you, ask for clarification rather than pointing out what's wrong with it. Find out what's important in this particular proposal. If the proposal really isn't fair, the other person will often shrug their shoulders and concede the point. When you start selecting from among the many ideas, you want to use objective criteria. Feel free to appeal to their sense of fairness.
And remember; always be clear on the context for the negotiation. Why are you negotiating and what will be available once you successfully concluded the negotiation. Having this context in the foreground will keep both of you moving forward to working together. In the end, both of you have to win, or else it is not a successful negotiation.
Two other points need to be mentioned. Before beginning a negotiation, you really need to know what you want and your best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA). This requires rigorous preparation: do your homework.
If you have done your homework, are a clear upfront about what you want, and have good alternatives, you will find it much easier to relax and listen to the other person's point of view. You may find this style of negotiating so much fun, that you start to look forward to negotiations.